I'm baaaaaaacck!!!!!!!!

Hello again everyone! It's been a whilst, hasn't it! As you will all know, I took a very long break from posting due to silly bitchiness, and the fear of the previous girls who had found this blog and made a hooha out of it would find it once again (even though I changed the URL, and sadly had to lose a few of my lovely readers who weren't following :(  ) and make even more of a fuss, thus notifying the 2.8% of my schools population that weren't already aware of this little slice of the interweb, aware of its presence. Okay, maybe a slight explanation.

You can find out the whole long winded story here if you wish, but I'm not going to write anything else of that matter on here in the future or even update to the current situation unless I feel the need to, which I simply do not at this moment and time as everything is reasonably ok and I am a strong believer of 'whats in the past is in the past, and nothing you can do will change that'

I've been very busy lately, which is why I haven't posted since I explained the whole thing, but now plan on writing as many posts as I can within the next week and uploading them whenever possible, and then there will be another temporary break as I'm off to California for a few weeks! Yipee! *que massively over excited 14 year old girl moment*

So I just wanted to do this quick post, to let everyone know and thank my lovely loyal readers who've continued to follow me and send me inspiring emails throughout this boring no posting period! You really are all very lovely and I'm hugely grateful!!

Much love, hugs and kisses to you all, stay tuned for more posts soon to come!xox

It's gunna get a whole lot worse before it gets better

You know those days, when you get up and everything just feels like a battle? You have no motivation, no inspiration and just cant bring yourself to do anything. And then, there are those days where the whole world seems to be against you. Sometimes it feels like you aren't getting anywhere; your stuck in a rut. It's as if nothing is going to change. Those girls are still going to bitch about you and be nasty, their patheticness is going to last forever. That boy, he's never going to like you. Your parents are never going to stop nagging you to clean your room or do some pointless job for you. You're grades are going to be hopeless until you finish school. Those teachers will never understand.

You get the point.

But the truth is, things do get better. They DO change, in the end! There's no way of telling how long its going to be until that day, unfortunately. Yes, most of the times if you think you're in a bad situation things are going to get a whole lot worse before you get better. Especially if it's self inflicted. But you just have to remember they do get better! You are going to be faced with a million battles and hundreds of bad days. But without those bad days, you wouldn't appreciate what a good day feels like! Without having to face those battles, you would live your life unchallenged and probably feel 100% dissatisfied when you are lying on your death bed.

Sometimes you gotta fall before you fly. That's just the way it is. You have to have bad days before you can have good ones. You have to fight battles before you can celebrate the victory. But the most important thing is to remember this: There ARE going to be good days. Things ARE going to change. It DOES get better. That victory IS coming. And most importantly of all, you WILL someday fly.

Where oh where have I been?

Hello there bloggerinos! I am back! It has been almost two months since my last blog post, and I feel like I most definitely owe you all and explanation as to why I appear to have disappeared off the face of the earth/net!

Well, to cut a long story short a 'friend' who I trusted to the end of the earth and back betrayed me, and told my other friends about this blog, knowing that I had some very personal things on here. She did this purely out of spite, and has hurt me more than words could possibly describe. But hey, that's another post all together! So she told them all, and they went on to have a look. Obviously, there was an anonymous post where I vented about one of the girls a few months back when I was really annoyed, on top of various other little mentions and whatnot.

The group of girls all read this, and decided to confront me about it in a 4 on 1 very intimidating situation. And from that day onwards, they've been making my life hell. In total, there are now 10 girls who they have gotten involved, all of them with absolutely nothing to do with the situation and who have all only heard one (Most probably infatuated to near death) side of the story. And they have decided to make it their little mission to completely ruin me.

Now, I know what I did was wrong. I shouldn't have said stuff like that on somewhere with even the slightest possibility of the person it was about being able to see- it would have been really hurtful for the girl to read that about herself. But, nevertheless- it was months ago. I have been using this blog like a diary, and using it to vent. It is 10000000% anonymous, and I didn't even use real names! I can understand why she would be hurt and angry with me- but she has now went on to get the rest of the girls to fight her battles for her, and they have all turned against me and been hellbent on making my life a misery.

And as for the girl who told them- well she's been one of the worst! Let me first explain- me and the girl who knew about my blog (she also had one herself) were very close. It was always us two against the other two- we would laugh at their ridiculous immature behaviour at times, and were grateful to have each other. We shared jokes about them, and now everything that I have ever said to her on a one to one basis has been reported back to the girls by this girl. She has without a doubt been the most two faced person- and after we were supposedly so close! It has really hurt me, and I sincerely doubt I will be able to trust anyone in the near future! The other girls take the piss out of her so much and just the other day, they put paint all over her self portrait in art. Just one example of that so called 'friendship'!

I will tell you the truth- I'm pretty grateful now that I am out of that group! Whilst I may not be in a close group of friends just yet, it has given me the chance to see (the hard way) What horrible people they are. It wasn't a friendship- they are all permenantly bitching about one another behind each others backs! I think for teenage girls, bitching and gossiping is a given- but not about youre own so called 'best friends!' Also, they are always being mean to people. And that is really not the type of person I want to be!

My life in school over the past three weeks has not been easy. They've been hiding my stuff, laughing at me, saying stuff loudly to try and aggravate me, locking me out of classrooms and every other pathetic immature little trick in the book. But I've got through it! I am not letting them get to me! One time, I snapped at one of the girls and called her a pathetic immature little bitch. But I was so furious- it was either going to be saying that or slapping her!! And I do think I chose the right option!

So, I've been trying to keep my head down and not post anything for a whilst, and have had to change my url :( But for those of you who have found me again, welcome back!! I'm going to carry on posting as usual now, and I really don't give two fucks what they think :)

See you all soon!!!

Oh, the glorious pro ana community

To put it simply, I am no stranger to the lovely world of eating disorders. I really don't feel ready to post my story just yet as I feel as if it is something that I'm still coming to terms with and getting my head around, but I am pretty sure I will post about it in the future.

Something that continues to make me sick (just realised the irony of that; I promise you it was typed with absolutely NO pun intended) is the 'pro ana' movement in social media, such as tumblr, instagram, twitter etc. For those of you lucky people who are blissfully unaware of what pro ana means, it is the promotion of anorexia. This is done by using images and slogans, such as 'anorexia is a lifestyle, not an illness' and 'a moment on the lips, forever on the hips' to name the most innocent. And as for the pictures, well I feel that in itself would be promoting and exposing this disgusting topic to further lengths.

Members of the delightful pro ana community endorse anorexia and bulimia as desirable, share crash/fad dieting tips and tricks, compete in their weight loss, commiserate with each other after binging or breaking fast, advice on laxative use or how to best induce vomiting, glamorise the illnesses of anorexia and bulimia to vulnerable young girls, post their weight and body measurements as motivation, and post thinspo ('thinspiration) images to further glamorise eating disorders.

Now let me point out, This blog post is possibly going to be triggering to any of you out there with eating disorders. And it is something that I'm really getting fired up about for one simple reason- pro ana sites have over the past few years ruined aspects of my life. They have distorted my view of healthy and attractive, and plummeted my self esteem levels to an all time low. It is something that I'm trying so hard to change at the moment, and I quite frankly would like to shut down every single pro ana site out there and slaughter all of their publishers (I will explain further later) not only for ruining my life, but undoubtedly hundreds of thousands of other vulnerable young girls and boys out there. It honestly pains me to think of young girls even today, stumbling across such disgusting websites and developing the same issues that I have.

The people who begin these horrific websites fall into two categories- 1) sufferers of anorexia, who are usually recovering and are looking for other people in the same situation to talk to, who get warped in by the disgusting hideous monsters of the second category- 2) horrific trolls who are incredibly sad, pathetic people with an obsession with thin girls (may I add, studies show such monsters are usually overweight themselves) and use this community as a way to feed their sick obsession. I don't blame either one of the two people- both stereotypes are suffering undoubtedly from mental issues and illnesses, I quite frankly blame social media for allowing such things.

Eating disorders are developed by the brain. It is not something you choose. This seems unknown to so many people. And eating disorder is a mental illness, which is usually triggered by things like wanting control, self hatred, low self esteem and loneliness. Things like pro Ana only further and deepen this illness, and trick sufferers into thinking that what they are doing to themselves Is healthy, normal and right. Not to mention, causing many vulnerable young people who don't know better to try things out like fasting and purging for themselves.

This has to stop. How many more lives need to be ruined before these websites are shut down? How many more young girls need to die before the government realises just how preventable eating disorders can be? When is enough truly enough?

If only big websites like tumblr and twitter were to abolish the 'pro ana' tag forever. Would it really be so hard? Why can websites like blogger and word press make it easier for complaints to be formed, and take complaints more seriously in ways that involve taking steps to shut down dangerous websites?

20% of people with eating disorders die from their eating disorder, not to mention the countless number of sufferers who become infertile and die young

In my eyes, people need to realise exactly what is happening. I can bet you any amount of money that parents (even my own parents, who know the struggles I have been through) have no clue what damaging material is out there and how easy it is to come across. If every adult in this country was aware exactly how bad it is, I guarantee we would have less of a problem.

So I'm asking you to do something about this. Blog about this issue, write a letter of complaint, YouTube a video response about it, talk to someone about it. If we could make 100 more people aware of this issue, then the first step would have been taken towards tackling this scary problem that so many innocent young people are facing today. If you have read this blog post and support my wish, then please take the time out of your day to sign my petition. It is quick, easy, anonymous and best of all FREE, and means more then you can imagine to me as I really feel it could make a difference. You can find it here. Thank you so much if you do :) Now, before it becomes too late to change anything. Deaths from eating disorders ARE  preventable.

Thanks for reading, and for your continued support xox

1st ever qoute day thursday!

I've decided to start a new regular feature! It's going to be every Thursday, and I'm going to share with you some of my favourite quotes!

Most of them are from tumblr, and the perks of being a wallflower. Personally, I adore quotes. There seems to be one out there for every mood and emotion, and I'm hoping this feature will be a place where I can reflect upon that! So, without further ado, here's my first three quotes!

I have this picture up in my room. When somethings not going to great at home or at school, and I feel like it's the end of the world, looking at this always gives me a more positive outlook which I find amazing!

I can remember reading this paragraph in the perks of being a wallflower for the first time. From that moment on, I will easily say I've looked at life in a different light. It is a quote that reminds me that what is happening to me now, will be so different to whats happening to me in 5, 10,15 years time. Every moment will pass, and become a memory no matter how big or small. How magical is that? This morning, my alarm clock went of at half past six as it does every school day. In that moment, is was the most annoying thing ever. But as a memory, it is full of relief and reflection. I had a great last day at school which was very eventful, and full of moments which are now memories. And that all happened because of one moment where I woke up when my alarm clock wen off and I was annoyed. And so on. So that is truly magical in my eyes- how every memory you have was once a moment, every picture that you look at was once happening to the people in it. The people in those pictures weren't always a picture- they were once a bunch of people having fun or posing awkwardly. And now, those moments are stories and memories.

That quote really opened up my mind in a whole new way. I now question everything so much more, and put so much thought into things. It's brilliant!




Another quote that makes me realise that me being unhappy is not the end of the world, and is not going to last forever. Pretty self explanatory :)












Thanks for reading, let me know if you've enjoyed the new feature!!xox

Happiness

I've had my fair share of ups and downs for the past three years. That is, to put it quite simply. But lately, I've really discovered true happiness I think, as cheesy as it sounds. It's made me realise just how much I've been missing out on by being miserable! I've also realised that I've had a lot of moments where I thought I was happy, but really, I wasn't. Close maybe, but not properly happy.

Since I've started diving basically, I have been on a massive high. The addition of proper exercise into my life has really had a positive effect on me, and I've also started eating healthily and properly! I had really gotten out of the habit of eating breakfast, but after a chat and some suggestions with my amazing mum (who shares the same dilemma!)we both decided that we would eat a bowl of yogurt and granola each morning, and we've stuck to it! I also have some seeded bread with flora, and a glass or two of orange juice. The difference it has made in me has been amazing- I start the day off feeling great and it just carries on!

I've also been bringing in fruit salad and then an apple or a pear to school, and then having another yogurt whenever I get home. So, I've managed to increase my calcium, vitamin c, fibre and fruit intake without and difficult, major changes!

Another contribution to my overall 'happiness' has been not having my phone. I really broke the cycle of my problem that I was having with constantly social networking and texting (I might do a post on this but I'm not too sure yet!) It was really nice to not always feel the need to be on my phone! I have it back now, and I know it's not as bad anymore but I do feel as if I am slightly slipping back into my 'old ways'. But i have recognised this, and so I'm going to work on it over the Easter break.

As part of this, I feel like I've been able to be a lot more open to my parents. No more lying and keeping secrets with them, I'm trying hard to come to my mum when I h
ave a problem and spend more time just generally talking with them both :) And I know this may be nerdy or cheesy or whatever, but i feel like it really is a lot better that way.

So, areas I've improved in are

• Eating
• Exercising
• Healthier living
• Social networking
• Communicating and being more open with my family

Areas that I'm targeting to improve next are

• Drinking more water
• School- My grades, the effort I put in and my behaviour in general

So only two targets, as well as 'reinforcing' the other changes I've made recently.

I really think it's good to try and aim to make some changes for the better in your life. After all, you cant expect positive differences to happen unless you take a step towards achieving them! I also think that by me documenting things like this on here, it will help me to keep on track as well as maybe giving you ideas!

So thanks for reading, I hope Ive inspired you to make some healthier lifestyle choices :)

The perks of being a wallflower

I think that every teenage girl should read at least one book from the age of 13-19. And by one book, i mean one GOOD book. Books have the power to change a tiny little piece of the world, and to me that is truly magical. Call me a nerd here, but I love reading. Ever since i was born I've basically been into books- literally, my parents used to read to me frequently and it's something that I've just grown up with.

So back to my one book thought- I think that the perks of being a wallflower is that one book. The one book that, given to the right person, has the power to change a life.

Until I read the perks, I didn't really have a 'favourite' book. Long story short-I'm very indecisive. To be honest with you, I don't really have a favourite anything. So up until that point, my 'favourite' book was probably to kill a mockingbird, or maybe my sisters keeper.

The difference is, neither of those books have made me thing in the way that the perks of being a wallflower did. There are just so many quotes, so many life lessons and thought provoking sentences within that book. It's truly magical.

I am yet to watch the film- but I don't think any filmmaker could capture the images provoked by Stephen chbosky in the perks of being a wallflower. I don't think any film could even half justify this amazing book.

In short, it is amazing. I urge you to go to the library right this moment and read it!

My latest love...

Just going to be a quick post here, but I've recently re-discovered something and thought I would share!

As you all know, I had my first diving lesson last week. I realised after the session that I've gotten pretty unfit, and struggled to even do one lap of the pool! So, I've been working hard this week! I've been going swimming in the evenings, and I've loved every second of it! I come out feeling so alive, accomplished and very happy with myself.

Unlike most cardio, swimming is something I really enjoy, and so I don't need any motivation to do it- it's simply fun! The pool I go to was recently featured on the itv programme splash and it's also where I'm learning to dive- It is part of a million pound investment and so the facilities are simply amazing! I hope to start the gym there soon too!

I really, really encourage you to try it- the rewards are amazing, and that is just in one week! I feel so much healthier, happier and I absolutely love the feeling of my muscles growing and changing! I also find that it really puts my eating disordered mind to rest- I know that I need to eat, and am not even tempted to purge afterwards as I know I will be burning those calories off as fuel later on!

So in short- I simply love it. I think I'm possibly becoming pretty pro-fitness, and I'm already enjoying this healthier 'lifestyle!' I've even been influencing my family- my dad and brother came with me one evening, and I'm trying to persuade my mum to come to an aqua aerobics class with me as it looks like a fun way to get fit!

Thanks for reading, go and re-discover swimming yourself if you haven't already!!xox

Being excluded

At one time in our lives, most of us will probably go through a period of being excluded from something. Sometimes, girls (and probably boys too!) deliberately exclude someone from activities in their friendship group. It is often unintentional, but sometimes there is a nasty motive behind it.

Its not nice. Whether your 'friends' mean it on purpose or not, it can leave you feeling very unwanted and upset, and often dents your confidence too. If it is happening frequently and you are getting upset by it, then it's time to do something. No-one should be left feeling like this on a regular basis. So what can you do?
You should:

• Speak to a trusted friend or adult. Each situation is different, and they may be able to advise you on the best way to resolve the problem depending on the specific situation.
• Talk to your friends about it. A problem doesn't always just resolve itself;and talking about it is often a good way to make a change. If you have one friend in the group who you are closer too, then take her aside and tell her how you're feeling. It's best to do it face to face rather than online or by text. Remember- you're friends may not realise what they are doing!
• Slowly make some new friends. Maybe, you're friendship with this group just isn't meant to be. You have to accept the fact that even though it is a very nasty way to go about it, your 'friends' could have went off you for whatever reason (there is no good reason- but unfortunately there are a lot of horrible people in this world) and this could be their way of hinting at you. If you suspect that this is the case, then it is really best to move on. You don't want to be with people like this- that isn't a healthy friendship.

The fact that this is happening to you doesn't make you any less brilliant then you already are. You are still an amazing person, and although it may make you feel truly crap about yourself you really need to rise above it and use the experience to make yourself stronger!

Thanks for reading xox

I appear to have gone glooooooobbaaalll!!!!!!

Wow. I have been in this mad little blogosphere for nearly one month now. And already, I'm amazed at the response! I logged on this evening as I have been neglecting this blog lately (I've been going swimming most evenings, and had a very important science exam which I needed to revise for so my reasons are valid!) because I really haven't had the time, but decided I would get a few posts done this evening and at the weekend. I was amazed at the number of page views I've received! I now have readers in the UK, USA, Germany, Slovenia, China, Moldova (I will admit I had no idea where that was until I googled it!) Canada, France, India, Australia and New Zealand! It's pure madness!!

I expected to maybe have around 150 page views at this time, from the UK and maybe even America. But, that number is nearly quadrupled! And I appear to have an audience that is pretty worldwide!

So if you aren't already following me, then please take a bit of time out of your day to do so. You have no idea how much it means to me! I would love to see each one of my readers, especially if you have blogs of your own!

Thank you so much for reading and continuing to do so, it is really appreciated! xox

Diving!

I have finally done it! Today I took my first ever highly anticipated diving lesson! And it was simply... amazing!

I honestly had so much fun! It looks relatively simple on TV (or at least I think it does anyway!) But believe me whenever it comes down to it, it is very hard! It was like nothing I had ever experienced before, and I truly cant describe the feeling!

What I most definitely did not look like!

Our lesson was half an hour long. We practiced each dive from the edge of the pool (straight, tuck, pike and roll) and then we dived off the 3 metre boards! I really did not expect to be doing that in our first lesson! We also did lots of different dives off the springboards (both one metre and three metre) and I'm proud to say I attempted each one! It was sooooo scary, even though it may not look it! The feeling when you're falling in the air must be amazing, but I was too busy being scared and pulling weird faces to notice!

I really need to work on my 'water ability' though. I took plenty of swimming lessons when I was younger, but now I only ever swim when I'm on holiday! So I'm going to try and do some laps once or twice a week, as well as working on my upper body strength at home and at the gym. Another thing I need to improve is my form and posture- although I'm sure that will come with time when I gain more confidence!

The only downside is I'm now covered in red marks from where I kept slapping the water! I think I must have entered awkwardly almost every dive! I was just so scared, and I also found myself getting exhausted as my fitness level right now is pretty disgraceful!

But overall, it was a very positive experience! I think it's something I'm going to really enjoy, and cant wait till next week!

Thanks for reading xox

The start of something new!

I'm at that unfortunate age now where if you're not in a team or sporting commitment already, your pretty much screwed. I did plenty of different things when I was younger but by the time I started high school I did nothing. Nada. No extra curricular activities whatsoever, apart from the odd bike ride or tennis match and fairly often dog walking. I was a pretty awkward, shy person at that time, and no longer had the confidence to try something new, due to the fact I was shy, not overly talented anymore and had a headteacher who really seemed to dislike me towards the end of primary school and forever put me down and made me think I was truly crap at any sport under the sun.

This has bothered me for three years now. Whenever we have to do things in school where we have to write about what we do outside of school, I feel truly lost. Playing musical instruments is my only 'hobby' (I really do hate that word!) and isn't exactly the most energetic thing out there. I know I'm not the only one, but it makes me feel very lazy that I don't do any sport outside of school!

After watching the programme 'splash' on itv a few weeks ago (google it if you don't live in the UK) I have been inspired. Diving looks so fun! I watched as the celebrities were transformed in only a few weeks of training, and was amazed during the finals when they were all doing complex dive after only about 8 weeks of training! I just thought it looked so fun, and looked like something I would really enjoy!

So I took it upon myself, and emailed my local diving centre! They've just emailed me back telling me about a new teen course which has spaces!

Now, I know its going to be a challenge. Its going to take lots of patience, perseverance and effort. Not to mention masses of self confidence- not only the actual diving aspect but standing by the edge of a pool in nothing but a swimming costume? That only happens when I'm on holiday, where there is only a slim chance of seeing someone I know other than my family!

But I'm so excited! Something that I can finally do outside of school, and hopefully achieve at it! I hope I will learn some new skills, make some new friends and have lots of fun!

Thanks for reading! Maybe I've inspired you to pick up the phone and call your local sports centre and see whats on! I know it's very hard to do, but believe it or not there are other people in your position! xox

The most amazing night of my life

As you know, I'm in Iceland at the moment so this will be quick. but last night, I witnessed what true beauty is. I was sitting in a hot tub with my family at our cabin in pretty much the middle of no where. The sky was clear, the stars twinkled brightly above us. and then, some bands of green started to appear across the sky. 'Is that it?' We all asked. Me and my mum went and got dressed so we could investigate further. It was, as we suspected, the highly anticipated northern lights!
Soon, the lights where strong green, and dancing all across the sky. Then, we saw strips of pink too! They put on a great show for us, dancing for a good couple of minutes all across the sky, never in the same pattern.

I have never, in my life, seen something as beautiful. It was magical, gorgeous, and really quite amazing. I made a wish, and thought of all the important people in my life, so that they could be there with me.
I was literally standing there the whole time! It was like nothing I could ever have imagined! I didn't get any good pictures though, but I know that moment will stay with me forever.

Thanks for reading! I hope you all one day get to see the northern lights!xox

Out of the loop...

Hey there readers (I know you definitely exist now- My page views have rocketed this week!) I just thought I'd let you know I probably won't be posting for a couple of days, as I'm going on a little 'vacation' until monday/tuesday (I've forgotten what day we come back!) It's not exactly our usual 'holiday' as such, because it's not to somewhere hot, sunny and relaxed- we're going to Iceland! I know what you're thinking- bit of a random one! Well it is- basically my mum has always wanted to see the northern lights. And where I live, they are non existent! So, for Christmas we got her a pretty cool present- a holiday to go see them! It should be quite fun- it'll certainly be 'different'!

I plan on doing a few posts tonight, and then posting them whenever suits me (so basically whenever I have a bit of Internet access over there!) So stay tuned! Keep reading, I have lots of ideas ahead ;)

Thanks for reading! xox

What is she becoming?

My school, like every other high school, has 'the populars'. That group of about five or six girls who think they are just the bees knees, and control EVERYTHING that goes on (it seems) I could go on writing about this forever but I'm planning on doing a post about this soon.

Anyway, I have this one friend, who I'm going to call Chloe for this, as her name isn't very common, and may arouse suspicions as to who I am. So Chloe, for this blog anyway.

So my friend Chloe, is really one of the sweetest girls I've ever met. I would probably consider her one of my 'best friends' (an expression that i HATE due to my darling frenemie, who I shall do a post on soon). She is always so upbeat, funny, considerate and caring towards me, and is probably the one I'm closest to in our friendship group. We've been friends since we started the school, and I hate to imagine my life in school without her.

One of the things that's always annoyed me about her is the way that she cares so much what other people think of her. She seems to think people are looking at her 24/7 and judging her. This is ridiculous; shes not one of the 'populars', and doesn't really have any friends outside of our group. As horrible as this may sound, people don't really 'know' her as she doesn't ever make an effort to talk to new friends, and I don't think shes ever had a full conversation with a boy.

In our group, I'm the only one with close boy friends. The other three get quite jealous of this sometimes, though not so much now as they used to. But Chloe is the one who seems to be the least able to talk to boys. She just doesn't seem capable of having a laugh with them, or even making 'polite conversation'! And then, she gets annoyed at how the boys don't really know her!

But anyway, the other night her and my 'frenemie' (like I said, post soon to come) were invited round one of the 'populars' houses. So they went, and have not stopped talking about it since. Now, I'm not going to lie to you- I am jealous, annoyed and angry here. Jealous because I love making different friends and getting closer to new people, annoyed because of how me and my other friend weren't invited, and angry because they're doing what they always do- bigging up the situation and rubbing it in. It's pathetic really. I know that they probably both just sat there awkwardly for most of the night, as they always do with new people. But they KEEP bringing it up!

So Chloe is getting cocky and big headed about that. Then, she was mentioned in an ask fm answer. In a 'popular' boys list of girls he thinks is hot. Ok, fair enough- Chloe's quite pretty. She wears too much makeup (wrongly applied for the most part, may I add) But she does have some very pretty features. So instead of accepting it and being flattered like I have when it's happened once or twice to me, she Keeps bringing it up!

Last of all, theres this- Chloe seems to have got the idea that since shes now clearly popular (rolls eyes in an infuriated fashion) one of the 'populars' really likes her. Now, this wouldn't usually annoy me. But this particular 'popular' (lets call her Ashley for the sake of this situation) is the only one that I'm pretty close to. Lets just say, we both have a lot in common. Shes been there for me loads lately, and likewise me her. But before half term, we had a bit of an argument. Chloe has taken this as an opportunity to wedge her way in with Ashley, and Ashley seems to like the attention from this. Now, please ignore the ridiculous primary school attitude here- but Ashley told me 'who she fancies' first of all. I was the first person she told, and both of us kept this quiet for about a week. Chloe found out that Ashley liked someone and I knew, and would not stand for it! She bugged and bigged and bigged Ashley until she told her, and then- you guessed it- made a big deal out of it. She kept rubbing it in peoples faces too.

I just think the whole thing is ridiculous. I'm trying my best not to let it bug me- it has no right to! But it's just getting on my nerves a lot watching it. I had hoped it would calm down over half term but today we came back and nothing changed.

Just wanted to vent about that! It's just ridiculous, immature behaviour, and like every other problem has been worsened by good old social networking.

Thanks for reading, glad to have got that out! xox

Taking a break

Lately, I have definitely become a phone addict. 24/7 I would have my phone in my hand, and would feel the need to talk to loads of people, and constantly be refreshing social network feeds. This isn't healthy! It's been causing me a LOT of problems.

Conversations, if you can even call them that, that I've been having by text, are no longer what they used to be. They aren't lighthearted, innocent fun anymore- they seem to be full of attention seeking, lies and bitching... dare I even say from both parties, not just me. Not only that, conversations which someone my age shouldn't be having. (I wont go into that here, but I do have a post which you can find here if you're interested)

Its really started to affect me. Over half term, out of boredom, I was permanently attached to my phone. This really isn't healthy! It wasn't intentional-  I literally felt the need to be on my phone, in a similar way to how an alcoholic feels the need to drink, or a smoker feels an urge to have a cigarette.

So, here's an idea. What about taking a break? A break from technology? Not even from all technology- just the ones I'm 'addicted' to. For the next week at the very least, I'm taking a break from my phone. That means no going on it whats so ever.

How about following my lead? Even if it is only for a week, why not ditch the evil little thing? I'm sure I'm not the only one who would be horrified at themselves if they could see their behaviour in a mirror! I know its something that's pretty hard (which is disgusting- it really shouldn't be!) but I'm hoping that I will get back to my old self, and break the cycle by taking a break.

Wish me luck! Thanks for reading, I hope you take a leaf out of my book! xox

Just a quick question...

Hello there! :) Firstly, if you are reading this I just want to thank you. It really means a lot!

I've had this blog for about two weeks now. I know, I know- that's really nothing! But, I'm shocked at the amount of views I've had already! I've noticed that right now, posts that have been getting the most views are the ones about self harm and ask fm, the 'big issues' I suppose. So, I was wondering... what else do you want?! I have a few ideas of some posts, but I could really do with some suggestions from readers points of view!

So, I would be very grateful if you could comment below, or drop me an email with some suggestions! Thank you very much to take the time out of your day to read this, I'm very grateful! xox

The good days :)

In little old England, we are fortunate enough to have a week off school every six weeks, and then six weeks off during summer (which is short compared to some places, but justified!) So this week, is 'mid-term'. I didn't really have anything planned, but then me and my friend Hannah who also blogs, arranged a much needed catch up sleepover. We both realised that lately we hadn't really been talking as much, and needed a nice little girlie date. So yesterday, I popped over to hers for some much needed girl time :)

First of all, we went to... wait for it... waitrose! We needed ingredients to make our much anticipated Slutty brownies! So we had a little walk around town and did our usual story of commenting on peoples outfits, spotting all the hot boys and subtly doing impressions. Then, we went back and made the brownies! This is the second time I've made them, and they are simply divine! Definitely go check out Rosies blog post on them! We made them our own by adding chunks of galaxy chocolate.

So after the brownies, we ate dinner and just chilled for a whilst on the computer and mucking around with her younger brother and sister :) always fun ;)

Next, we began to build our highly anticipated fort! I couldn't get a decent picture of it though! I was basically just sheets around the TV, supported by chairs with plenty of duvets and fairly lights! So for the rest of the night, we watched TV, ate chocolate and had a long, much needed catch up!

The next day we headed to the train station to go to Milton Keynes shopping with some other friends. We had plenty of 'train banter', which is really quite inexplicable I'm afraid!!!

Our two friends surprised us by joining us on the train which was awesome- we thought we were just meeting them at the train centre! And then, everything just got 10 times louder, funnier and gigglier as usual!

I had a very successful day shopping, and plan on doing a haul soon. We ate lunch in good old wagamamas, which has become our newest haunt for lunch on days out as we feel we're now too sophisticated for pizza express and MacDonald's ;) It was great, but a tad uncomfortable as we were squished in between (if you've ever been to wagamamas you'll know what I mean!) Two... 'mature' couples who gave us a fair few dirty looks. I don't blame them, four thirteen/fourteen year old girls on a sugar high cant be that pleasant!

So overall, it's been a great two days. It's really perked me up a lot, and I feel as if it's days like this that make everything worthwhile!

Thanks so much for reading, comment below! xox

Self harm... the facts and the follow up

I wanted to put all of this in my first post which you can find here, I would suggest reading it if you haven't already. But, the post started to get really long, and I was afraid people would lose interest!

So, what happened next? Well, I know I was pretty blunt and didn't give much of an explanation!

I told my mum, one day when it all got too much. She... she promised she would do whatever she could to help me. And, not going to lie- my poor, poor mum has been amazing in the past couple of years. Shes honestly the only person in this world who I trust, who doesn't judge me, and who i can be 100% honest with. So mum, if you're reading this... I love you ok? I know I don't show it a lot, and i put you through shit quite frankly, but I am grateful every day, and would be screwed without you. But my poor mum... what was she to do? Her ELEVEN year old daughter hated herself so much that she was carving into her own skin? I mean obviously I've never had a child, but surely that's so... heartbreaking, so infuriating? She got me to a counsellor, and I would love to be able to say it helped. But, it did quite frankly nothing at all. He was a 50 year old man, who just sort of rambled on... about nothing relevant at all. I went six times in total I think, and after that I stopped for maybe two or three months. At this time it was summer, and in summer my mood does generally lift! But then winter rolled back around, and by October I was already in a messy relapse.

After that, I tried a lot of self help things. Like elastic bands, and the butterfly method. But, disgustingly, I was actually kind of enjoying it. I guess it kind of made me feel 'different' and 'mature' and I think i kind of enjoyed being 'troubled'. That only lasted for about a month. So since then, its been up and down. Relapse, recovery, relapse, recovery and so on. But then things got really really bad again, and my parents found out. My mum researched into it, and she came across this site. Nlp4kids (nuero linguistic programming, i know right... sounds pretty scary) I wont explain it, if you're interested then go and have a look. I went to see a man called Lewis. He... he really really helped me. I still have issues with the way I look, and how I feel about myself. And truthfully? I don't think I'll ever escape them. But Lewis really helped me get the voices in my head under control. He helped me deal with my anger, in a way I never would have imagined. And that, has really, really helped me. I would love to say I haven't cut myself since seeing Lewis; believe me I really, really would. But I'm not going to lie. I have. Due to things like arguments at home, and problems with my 'friends' at school. Those are what triggered that particular relapse; but at the end of the day, the underlying cause is the same- self hatred.

The other day at school, our year had an assembly on self harm, suicide, and domestic violence. It was... it was horrible. Honestly? It just felt patronising. A bunch of girls, who don't have a clue, reading out quotes from tumblr. Quotes which did nothing more then glamorise self harm. They really had no clue what the hell they were talking about, and I found it really horrible. I was on the front row, and I felt so paranoid that people were staring at me. On top of that, I had no idea we were going to have that assembly! If I had of, I wouldn't have came into school. Throughout the whole thing, I just sat there picking nail polish off. I sang song lyrics in my head, and counted to 250 four times. I just couldn't make eye contact with anyone, or listen to what was being said. Afterwards, I went straight to the toilet and just cried. It was really horrible. Throughout the rest of the day, I had three people come up to me and ask if I was ok. Three of the people who knew; the three people who honestly care. And do you know the crazy thing? Those three people aren't even in my friendship group! Two girls, and a boy... who I'm extremely close to because they understand me... but they aren't even in my friendship group! The girls who are in my friendship group- they just don't care. They know, but never ever talk about it with me or try and help me. And that really upsets me sometimes. I feel as if I am definitely getting less and less friendly with them, because some days I just can't deal with it anymore.

So anyway, at the moment I'm doing ok. I'm not better by any means, but I feel as if it's still under my control, and I do have people trying to help me. I wouldn't quite say I'm in the dark right now, but at the same time I'm still not at the light.

In school, I have two close friends who cut. Two girls, who are both absolutely beautiful. One of them has lots of issues at home, and although shes 'popular' she gets a lot of shit from some boys at school. But she's the strongest girl I know... throughout the hell shes enduring (and believe me I know, many a time have we had emotional conversations on the phone and in the toilets at school when things have been tough), she still remains confident and seemingly happy. Always laughing, joking and flirting. I admire her for that. The other girl, shes so talented and beautiful. And such a nice person too. But shes going through a rough patch right now, with how she looks. She wants desperately to lose weight, and has fell down a similar slope to me. But I have no doubt she'll get through it- shes so strong. And for both of them, I'll be there. Any time they need to talk, I'm there and they both know that. I know that there will be a day in the future, when they are both cut free.

So thanks for reading, I hope this has maybe given you an insight. If not, then its been really helpful for me to vent on here. xox

How you can help

More and more teenagers are self harming. I have a blog post on the start of my particular story, which you can find here. In many cases, sufferers confide in friends whenever they are in a bad place, and just want help. But sadly, a lot of the time friends dont help. This has been the case for me.

So, what do you do if a friend comes to you asking for help? Well, heres a list of some things which will help...

1. LISTEN- this really is key. The most important thing you can do for a friend is listen to them, because sometimes talking out problems really can do the world of good.
2. Be there for them- this is similar to above. If someone whos self harming knows that there is someone there for them, then they are half way towards recovery. The best thing you can do is just let them know you are there. Tell them to text you or call you whenever they feel like doing it, and just give them plenty of hugs! It really will make a difference, I promise.
3. Persuade them to tell someone- as with most mental issues, they cant be solved alone. Don't pressure your friend, but simply try and gently persuade them to tell a trusted adult, so that they can get the help they need.
4. Give them space- Sometimes, everyone needs to be on their own. This is a hard one, but you really have to try and gauge for yourself whether or not your friend needs you right now. Don't be too clingy, but just go beck to number to and make sure you know you are there for them when they need you!
5. Talk about the problem- I know its hard, especially if you don't understand it. But if a friend tells you by text that they have been self harming, its really important to talk about it with them face to face, even if you feel like just acting as if nothings happened. Research self harm online, to try and understand how your friend is feeling and how best to talk about it with them.

Here is a list of things NOT to do when a friend has told you they've self harmed, or if you're suspicious...

1. Make a joke about it. This will make your friend feel pretty shit. It will be embarrassing, and will really destroy their trust in you. I appreciate its hard to talk about, but don't be patronising.
2. Tell people. Even if you feel it may help, respect your friends decision for privacy. Appreciate that they have trusted you with possibly their biggest secret... the worst thing you can do is go and tell people.
3. Don't constantly be checking them for cuts. You may think you're doing it inconspicuously, but your friend is most probably paranoid enough and will be able to see you looking.
4. Don't say things like 'but why, your life is perfect!' or 'thats wierd, what do you think youre acheiving by that?'. This will make them feel really horrible about themselves. Try your best to understand, and if you dont understand at all then be straight with thema and tell them maybe they should tell someone else, you really don't know how to help them. But if you do this, you have to make sure you dont tell anyone at all, as that would be a real invasion of privacy.

If you are suspicious that someone you know may be self harming, speak to them one to one. Do not tell other people first.

Thank you for reading, if you need any further advice then email me or look online, as there is a lot of helpful stuff out there! xox

Self harm- my story

Before I start, I just want to warn you that this post could be potentially triggering. So if you self harm and are easily triggered, I wouldn't read this.

'She paints a pretty picture, but heres the shocking twist. Her paintbrush is a razor, the canvas is her wrist.'

Let me tell you a story. There's a girl, shes 11 years old. She hasn't had the best time of late, but ahead of her lays a new start. A fresh slate. Shes starting high school, where no body knows her and none of her past has to come with her. Shes so excited; so happy. The first day goes well. She meets a girl, who we're going to call Holly*. They become friends, and she goes home and tells her mum all about her brand new friends. Her mum... her mum is over the moon. Her little girl, finally happy again. She never could predict in any way what the next few months held... the future seemed so bright. A few weeks in, Holly starts acting weird with this girl. She gets all her other friends to start ditching the girl; and leave her out of plans. This hurts the girl so much, and really begins to effect her. Shes had issues, for a whilst now, with the way she looks. Due to things that happened before she started this new school. But that all went away when she started new school, and made new friends. Until Holly became mean. But, always the strong one, this little girl makes new friends. Her best friend, a girl called Alice*. And soon, she becomes happy once again. But, she remains a bit scared of Holly, and envious of all Holly's friends. Alice gets the flu, and misses school for a whole week. Oh no, what is the girl going to do? She hasn't yet made very many other friends in her form, not close friends anyway. So she starts hanging out with Holly and her friends once more. She likes it. The day that Alice returns to school, Holy comes up with a plan. Lets all pretend as if Alice isn't here! None of us talk to her, and laugh at her! It'll be so funny! The little girl doesn't want to do this. Alice has been so nice to her, and they've became really close! But, shes still afraid of Holly, and desperately wants Holly to like her! So she goes along with it, and that's the end of Alice's friendship. Alice moves on, makes some new friends. And holly becomes more and more controlling, to the girl and her friends. She makes them do some really horrible things, and the girl feels really horrible about herself once again. 'youre a fat, ugly, disgusting bitch. You're a bully to! Look at yourself, no one even likes you!' Says a voice in the girls head. One day, the girls mum has something to tell her. The little girls auntie, she has cancer. The next month or so is hell for the little girl. She misses her auntie, as she doesn't really get to see her. Her auntie always made her feel special about herself, and she truly loved her to bits. Her mum wasn't around much, she was often at the hospital looking after her auntie. And when her mum was at home, she was always in a bad mood. Always moody and easily angry. The girl, she was falling into a dark hole. She couldn't talk to her mum about her problems... it felt selfish, as her mum was obviously upset. Besides that, she didn't know how her mum would react. Maybe her mum didn't love her, she was just a waste of space anyway.

This girls auntie died, on December the twelfth. She cried herself to sleep every night. She was always sad. One day soon after, she had a fight with her mum. She was sent to her room, and accidentally looked into the mirror. In front of her, she could see this disgusting creature. The words were screaming in her head FATFATFATUGLYDISGUSTINGFATBULLY
BITCHWORTHLESSSLUTPIECEOFSHITUGLYHIDEOUSFATDISGUSTING
SHITUGLYFATFATFATFATFAT!!!!!!! They wouldn't shut up! She fell to the floor, crying. Pulling her hair out, scratching her own skin. Then, on the floor, she saw a pair of scissors from when she had been doing homework. The voice inside her head gave her an idea. She picked up the blades, and sliced into her skin. And again. And harder. Nothing happened for a minute. Then, blood started to well up, and got heavier. Inside her, she felt... a release. It felt like she had let go of everything, at last. Watching the blood, she just felt... alive again. Then, she realised what she had done. She was shocked, scared, guilty, angry. She started to feel lightheaded. She went to the toilet,and cleaned up. She felt disgusted, and promised herself she would never do it again.

That little girl... that's me. That day, was three whole years ago. Yet still, it is clear as day in my head. After that, a week later, I did it again. Months passed, and it got worse and worse. Three years on, and I've been through many phases. I've recovered numerous times, but then relapsed again. When I was in my worst time... my darkest place... I wrote something. It was a little story, which related to me... my past, my present, my future, with some fictional elements.How I was feeling. Here it is....

Once apon a time, there was a girl. If you saw this girl, you would probably be jealous of her. She was pretty, skinny, popular, clever, sporty and talented. On the outside, she seemed perfect. But this girl... she couldn't see this. Every time she looked in the mirror, she hated what she saw. So she decided to change this. This girl, she started to eat less and less. She felt in control, for once in her life. She got skinnier and skinnier, weaker and weaker. She became obsessed. But soon, this wasn't enough. So she started to cut herself. When she did this, she felt relief. Cutting made her feel alive, for the tiniest second. However, this didn't last long. Almost straight away, this feeling was replaced with embarrassment, disgust. Soon, hiding the pain inside her wasn't as easy any more. Putting on a fake smile became habitual, but people were starting to see through it. They noticed how scarily skinny she had become. The noticed all the scars that riddled her arms, her legs. She ran out of places to cut, so it wasn't as easy to hide. People could see the fresh cuts sometimes, and asked her what happened. But they didn't care. They were just nosey. All this girl wanted, needed was a hug. A friend. Someone to hold her whilst she cried, and tell her every thing would be alright. Someone to save her from what she had become. Nobody cared though. No one loved her. She was so desperate, for attention, for love. When people looked at this girl, they saw little more than skin and bones. But still, when she looked in the mirror all this girl could see was fat. This girl, she never escaped. She one day had enough. There was no one there to save her from herself. She ended it all, the sorry mess of her life. It was better that way.

So that's my story. I'm going to do follow up posts from this... this is just the beginning. Every story has a start, middle and end... and mines no different. Also, I have plenty of advice/thoughts to share, and an interesting story about 'Holly'. Thanks for reading xox

*Note: All names have been changed out of respect.

sexting

Ok, so you will probably wonder why I, at supposedly naiive age of thirteen, am writing a post about explicit text messages. Well, because it is something that has caused me a lot of problems recently, and so I feel I should blog about it!

So, 'sexting', is sending explicit messages and engaging in sexual conversations with someone, but not face to face. It also sometimes includes trading explicit pictures too.

More and more girls, my age and even younger, are feeling the need to engage in these types of conversations, sometimes with complete strangers. Sites like omegle and kik activley encourage this, and it is having serious consequences.

First off, lets talk about omegle. It is a site with the slogan 'talk to strangers!' Does that not strike you as slightly worrying? If not, then pop over there and take a look for yourself. (http://omegle.com/) Once you enter the site, you are given the option to find a random stranger, and talk to them. Either by instant message, or video chat. The first message sent by most people is 'age sex location'. and unsurprisingly, you are usually met back with a response from someone of the opposite sex, similar age and same location. What a coincidence. Personally, I find it scary that sites like this even exist. Talking to people you've never met- the big issue is that you really don't know who's behind that screen! And believe me, these people are pretty dam good at pretending. On omegle, it is even easier for them... you dont need a profile or anything! The sad likelihood is that it is full of dirty old men, with no morals or values.

But what about people you do know? That's relatively safe, right? Wrong. Unfortunately, there are quite a few teenage boys out there who would do anything to get their hands on explicit photos of a girl they know, and have a dirty conversation with them. But once you've sent those messages, that's it. Theres no coming back. You can delete them from your phone, but they can still be tracked. The boy- he can say hes deleted them. He can make you trust him. But the harsh reality is this... boys like to brag. They could (and it is very likely) tell most of their friends. Worse than that, they could forward messages, or even pictures. And then, well I'm pretty sure you know what follows... its been in the media quite recently. Amanda Todd is a prime example. Her story is truly devastating.

Don't get me wrong, I'm all up for a bit of flanter with my boy mates. But, I've experienced how 'sexting' makes you feel, and the aftermath it leaves. I'm not going to go into it, out of respect for the two boys, and embarrassment on my behalf of how stupid I've been. But I'm lucky... the consequences haven't been anywhere near as bad as they could have been!

So girls, before you send that message just think... what am i achieving by this? If you think it will make him like you... you're wrong. That's really not the thing boys look for in a girl, as much as they may act about it. Before you press the send button, just remember... once you do, its out there forever.

Thanks for reading xox

The 'flirts'

We all have them in our year. Those girls who seem to crave attention, from almost any living thing with a penis on it. Surely I'm not the only one who's really starting to get fed up? Every single day, without fail. Its the same girls. Now don't get me wrong, theres nothing wrong with a bit of cheeky flirting. I, of all people, know how fun it is and would be lying if i said i never flirted with boys. In fact, I do, an awful lot. But theres a difference... mine is a bit of light hearted, 'flanter' (Here is the urban dictionary definition for all you oldies out there!) These girls that I'm speaking of... they just don't know where to stop! It seems to be endless... they are just incapable of having a normal conversation with a boy! I know, for a fact, its beginning to get on some boys nerves too.

Today, it has really got to me. The way that these girls, some of whom i am pretty close with, act so kind and lovely when there are no boys around but the second someone with the x chromosome appears they turn in to someone completely different! Suddenly, you no longer exist... they wont even acknowledge you.

Watching it from afar today has really put me in a bad mood. I'm just fed up. But what is to be done? I don't think some of them even realise the effects it is having on their friends! I suppose, it is just a case of gritting my teeth and hoping it dies down. Surely these blastly whore-mones don't last too much longer?

Well, thanks for reading. Hopefully, if you're in the same boat as me you may be relieved to realise you're not the only one who's getting annoyed. And if not, at least I have vented :) comment any other points about them I may have missed out!

Summer bucket list

(pretty much sums up my feelings)
 

In 4 months, it will officially be summer. That may seem like forever away to you, but to me summer is simply what dreams are made of. I don't think it would even be an exaggeration to say I live for summer. Endless days, long hot nights, the feel of sun on my skin, the smell of summer (yes, summer has its own indescribable smell to me!) This year, my summer is going to be... Amazing. This summer is going to be THE summer, I've decided.
So, I've decided to make a summer bucket list. To
Try and remind myself that, in this post Christmas
haze there IS something to look forward to! I always find myself feeling quite depressed in this time period... it's still winter, but yet it's not as magical. Spring in England means nothing... simply a bit less cold, a bit more rain. So really, from January till about May, everything gets a little bit depressing.

1) Go backyard camping

2) Sort out my summerhouse (post to come)

3) Tie dye a t-shirt/pair of shorts

4) Leave a nice note on a strangers car

5) Build a fort, and have a pj day with a friend, watch movies and order pizza etc

6) Visit an outdoor swimming pool with my friends

7) go veggie for a week

8) Have a waterfight with friends in the park

9) Go to the beach with friends on the train

10) Dip dye my hair all different colours

11) Go to a theme park with my friends

12) Pull a successful all-nighter

13) Make lemonade

14) Make a wish tree

15) Go on a picnic

16) Go to the underage festival

17) Spend a day in Brighton with my friends

18) Eat fish and chips on the Pier again

19) Do a front somersault into the ocean

20) Do a split leap on the beach

21) Go to Camden with my friends

22) Eat breakfast outside

23) Finally put up the hammock we bought in Mexico!

24) Take pictures every day and make a scrapbook

25) Get a hell of a tan!

26) Sleep outside, have a bonfire and look at the stars

27) Make this summer the best yet :)

 

Thanks for reading! I hope I've inspired you to make your own bucket list!




'The little things'

I think, in the grand scheme of things, I am missing quite a large bit of the enjoyment I should be having. And that, is really pretty sad. So a step I've been taking to try and combat this is... appreciating the little things in life! They seem to be washed away, by all the drama and bitchiness and homework and stress and spots and worries in my life, which is pretty ridiculous at this age!

I seem to stumble across all manner of things on tumblr. Cute things, funny things, boring things, sad things and scary things. And since, at this moment in time i don't have my own tumblr blog to share those and there is no satisfaction in simply saving them to my phone, why not share them on here? with who, you may ask? Well I know I haven't had all that many views just yet. But there is no harm in sharing them with only five people, if i have a vast imaginary audience ;p So, as of this week, I'm going to start a weekly feature!

 I'm going to pick my top 5 pictures that I've found in the past week, and post them along with any other 'little bits and bobs' that take my fancy, every Friday. So, stay tuned!!

thanks for reading xox

February 14th

Here it is again. Some say its nothing more then a commercial gimmick, others that its the most romantic magical thing ever. I'm talking about good old valentines day.


Scrolling through tumblr, I can't help but feel the slightest pang inside me when I see all the cute couple valentines related pictures. Another year alone, and all that crap. And then I remind myself... I AM THIRTEEN BLOODY YEARS OLD! Why such an emphasis on dating already? I once heard the phrase 'high school is where you meet your bridesmaids, not your husband'. That is something which, to me, should really be more publicly emphasized! Why, in this day and age when females have never had better rights... why are thirteen year old girls still feeling the need for long term relationships? The suffragettes would be truly, truly horrified if they were here to witness this.

So why don't we all focus on the important things this valentines? The people who mean the most to you. Be that your boy/girlfriend, your best friend, your family or even pets. Take a little bit of time out to spend with them! My friends Hannah and Erin are having a cute valentines day baking date, and shes blogging about it here if you want to go check it out. I myself am doing nothing. I might go to the cinema with some Friends and we can annoy everyone by pretending to be all smoochy and loved up :) but if I do that will be on the Friday, as Thursday is a school night!

If you are lucky enough to have somebody cute to spend it with and dont have any plans, I've stumbled across some very cute ones that I'd like to share!!

(image)

Build a fort! As my blogspiration rose (who you can find here ) pointed out, on valentines day restaurants are really not a pleasant experience. So build a fort, order a pizza and just have a cute night in.

 Okay so these are all getting pretty unrealistic and idyllic. But, I can't resist!

                    Heres where I found all these images
Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoy your valentines day <3 xox

Lent...

Now don't get me wrong here, I'm not the most religious. I was baptised as a catholic, go to a catholic school (in England faith schools have higher education standards) and go to church for all the holidays. But my family isn't exactly the rosary saying type.

In saying that, we still take part in lent. It is a time of year when we actually have the motivation to do something good, with the added 'God is watching your every step' blackmail. It is essentially, an excuse to give up something you love for a certain time period. And, above all that, to appreciate what Jesus went through for us. Now I'm not trying to be a bible basher here, but if it is all true, then fair play Jesus. He went out into the desert, and fasted for 40 whole days. Only to go into a town, be judged by people, and then finally put through an immense amount of suffering before being executed!

So every year, I try and give up something which is not essential to my living, and try and give my body a 'break'. I would really love to go veggie for lent. But by no means am I going to expect my mother to cook me a separate meal from everyone else in the house! On top of that, I love chicken. And since I'm a very fussy eater, I would probably struggle to get adequate protein without meat.

So that being said, what am I going to give up? Junk food. I'm going to try and lead a diet of things that are good for my body! So for forty days, no chocolate, sweets, cakes, crisps or fizzy drinks. The exception to this is jelly, squash and ketchup.

So, wish me luck! I'm hoping I wont give in to any cravings, and will feel really good for the next forty days!
thanks for reading! xox

Technology

Oh for the days when only the upper class had televisions and cars, and mobile phones were only for businessmen. The days when apple and blackberry meant nothing more than fruit, and you wrote everything by hand. Everything just seems to have been so much more simple in that era. Don't get me wrong... I wasn't alive in such a time. So I am left to do nothing more than lust over tumblr pictures, and listen to my elders reminisce.

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But I can't help but wonder, what would my life be like without technology? Well, there would be no annoying, rambly ict lessons with a teacher who hates me, doing nothing but learning rather pointless skills on ancient computers. Now I'm sorry, but we are, as they say, the 'generation of technology'. Nearly every child nowadays has the ability to work an ipad, instinctively. So why, do I have a 50 something teacher wasting two hours of my time every week, teaching me things that i already know/ Or if I don't already know them, computers are pretty self explanatory once you know the basics! Don't get me wrong, I appreciate computer programming and coding is very complicated and takes a lot of knowledge and skill. But we don't learn things like that! I already know all that I need to know about the Internet and Microsoft! Secondly, see my post on Ask.fm. This basically covers my current views on all social networking in teenagers- it just over complicates things. But, we still all feel compelled to be on every site, telling each other what were doing, how we're feeling, and annotating with pictures. Aside from being insanely addictive, its dangerous. As much as we feel we might, we really don't know exactly who could be, essentially, stalking on us.

Now don't get me wrong, technology makes my life very enjoyable and easy. Many a times have I been caught out with no credit or free texts left on my phone, and been blessed with the features of imessage or whatsapp to contact my mum. And, if it wasn't for my iphone, I would have a very boring hour long bus ride to and from school each day. This blog, which may have only been in my life for a short time, would not be here to give a home to my rants, to distract me from the bad things. I wouldn't be able to contact my friends, or become closer to new people (which is very debatable).

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But I cant help but feel admiration when I see an older person in the street, sending a text on their little nokia. They've seen so much change in this little world of ours, in such a short time. And they've had to accept this change, because if they didn't they would get stuck in a time freeze, in generation unable to move forward. And that must be a scary prospect for them!

So before you have a go at your mum, dad, uncle, aunt or grandparent for being completely useless on the ipad... take a minute out to think about what you would do if they were to stick a typewriter in front of you. Or even going back to forever ago, ask you to dry your clothes using a mangle. Or knit a scarf! Yes, you would probably be able to figure it out. But it would take change and adaptation, which is the same thing they have to go through... at a slower pace, as older brains aren't quite as fast as younger ones.

Thanks for reading!! xoxo

'Ask.fm'...

About 94% of the drama/issues/problems I've been faced with in the past two months have all been caused by this lovely website. If you aren't aware of what it is, then let me first tell you this... you're pretty lucky. Ask.fm, (which you can find here ) is a social networking site, where users can ask each other/be asked questions anonymously. Sounds like fun, right? Well it is... until you drop a load of insecure, cruel, bored teenagers into the mix. Then you have a problem. As we all already know, social networking makes many young people start to say things they probably wouldn't say to others' faces. So add anonymity into the whole thing? 'Great! Now I have the opportunity to tell that girl that I've never really liked what I think of her! I can tell that boy to stop acting so cocky... no one likes him! I can tell my best friend that what shes been doing with her eyebrows lately really doesn't do anything for her... without even offending her!' And so you get double the cyber bullying, with an extra lump of paranoia thrown in. Don't get me wrong, it's a great idea. If it was used correctly, I'm sure it would be 100% innocent fun... finding out who your crushes favourite girls are, complimenting people and even playing harmless jokes on each other. But so many teenagers are getting 'cocky' with what they say to one another, and it is having serious consequences.

Jessica Laney.Ciara Pugsley.Erin and Shannon Gallagher. Four of the high profile suicides last year, which are said to have been solely down to ask fm. There are more then just four, but these are four of the 'biggest', the four that have gained the most publicity. These girls, who were all around the same age as me, felt as if there was no where to turn. They felt like there was No-one who cared about them, no other option then to take they're own lives. At the age of 13?Is it not crazy, that someone so young should even be in the position to contemplate suicide? We are still children. Although it may not feel like it, no problem is to big for us to ask help for. There is always someone to help... they have the obligation to help us, for the next 5 years!

So how many more innocent lives is it going to take before something is done? How many more teenagers are going to fall into this dark, dark place until something changes? I have seen so many horrible, horrible things on ask fm. I would love to link each one of them individually, but most of them are people I know and so I cant. But one of them, a boy I stumbled across a whilst ago, has stuck in my mind. His names Freddie. http://ask.fm/freddieottleylewis I do not know him; all I know is that he lives in the same country as me, and has really had a hard time. If you keep scrolling down his questions, I'm sure you will find what I mean.

I will admit, I have said a few things on ask fm which I'm truly ashamed of. To people I know and don't like, without realising the affect it could have on them. But then, I started receiving hate. I know exactly who it was from, my darling 'frenemie' (post on her soon to come!) as she is very obvious with some of the things she says. And that made me really think, about how everything that is said has a consequence.

This needs to stop. Not ask fm, but the way we are all acting on it.Everyone needs to step back, and just THINK... 'would I be able to put my name to that? Be able to untick the anonymous box, and let them see who said it?' before proceeding. How many more people need to die before something changes?

Thank you for reading xox

My plans!

Here are some posts that I plan to do in the near future, some of which I have already started. This list isn't in any order, but I hope to get as many done as possible each weekend and then post them during the week when I get a chance.

Society- I already have this one drafted, but it is going to take a lot of redoing as I feel it is a very very important issue, and has many different aspects.
Lying- So many people my age feel the need to lie, about many aspects of their lives to try and impress people. I've discovered some of the consequences this has, the hard way, and would really like to share them.
Social/online issues- This ones pretty self explanatory, and is an issue which has had a lot of publicity recently.
The future- Something that I think about a lot is how my generation is going to be when they're parents. The problems and issues which affect many of us, the way a majority of this generation doesn't consciously know right from wrong... how is this going to affect future generations? how much worse is it going to get?
Cyberbullying- Over the past few months, I have seen a lot of this, mainly due to the arrival of 'ask.fm' in my school.
Self harm & eating disorders- These will be two separate posts, but I don't feel that it will be beneficial for me to write about them until I am in a more stable place myself.
Self esteem- I don't know one single girl my age (myself included!) who doesn't hate at least one thing about themselves. I, on the other hand- seem to hate every aspect of myself and my body, and think it is really quite scary.
Parents- Like I've mentioned before, I am blessed with two truly amazing parents. But I seem to be in the minority of teenagers who are, which is very worrying.
Ask.fm- speaks for itself really. If you are unaware of what it is, ask.fm is a social networking site where people ask each other anonymous questions. sounds like fun right? Well, drop a load of insecure teenagers into the mix, and you get overwhelming amounts of cyber trolling, which has led to a good few suicides recently.
Makeup/appearance- The way that us teenage girls feel the pressure to look perfect 100% of the time, and the issues this is causing.
Children- The negative affect that media is having on younger children, and the brainwashing that is, essentially, happening.
Fears- I think. A lot. I over analyse everything, and come up lots of things in my head. Some of which are fears/worries.
Frenemies- I have a 'frenemie' who, for now, shall remain nameless. I think a blog post about the trials and tribulations of our day to day 'issues' would be rather entertaining, both to read and write.

So hopefully this list, and plenty more, will come alive in the near future :) thanks for reading!

My first ever post!

Hey there! This is just going to be an introduction to my brand new little corner of the web. If you are reading this, you've stumbled apon the very beginnings of my 'mission'. It's pretty simple really- I want to make people think. First and formost, teenagers like myself. But if this can give any one member of society something to at least think about, then I will feel justified.

I'm 13 years old, British, and for now I'm choosing to stay anonymous. Recently, I have found myself slipping down a path which is really not the direction I want to be heading in the future. The path I speak of is one which has become all to common within people my age- that of low self esteem, self hatred, lying, crying, self harm,eating disorders, becoming the victims/instigators of cruel bullying, and addiction to social networking; creating a virtual life and feeling the need to share every nitty, gritty detail of their (somewhat unrealistic) virtual lives to complete strangers. I have become somewhat unrecognisable, and I really wish to change that. I'm one of the lucky ones- I have two amazing parents who would (and have done!) do anything in the world to help me be the best that I can be throughout my whole life. But like I said- I am lucky. Many girls (and boys!) my age have slipped down the same slope i speak of, but the difference is this- they have no help to climb back up. And thus, leading further and further down this 'path', into what I don't doubt will create something awful, adding to the vicious cycle that has become the norm in today's society.

I have a lot of deep thoughts and concerns, some of which other people most probably relate to. So hopefully, this blog is going to be somewhere where I can air these, without being judged. I feel as if me sharing my experiences, opinions, concerns and theories, I could possibly even help a few people! If I could, that would be amazing! But if not, even if only 10 people ever view this blog- at least I will have had somewhere to vent. At least I will have gained experience in the very field of which I aspire to succeed a career in, some time in  the future. And... dare I say it? At least I will have had a bit of 'fun'. Something which is sadly all to rare in the life of a thirteen year old girl in this day and age, at least not in an appropriate form.

So thank you, for taking time out to read this. I am extremely grateful, and please keep an eye on this tiny little blog- I expect a good few posts in the future! If you would like to speak to me, my email adress for this blog is 13thirteengoingonthirty30@gmail.com.

Hopefully see you soon! xoxo